Farm Girl Tips: You Married a Farmer

Being a farmer is a difficult job. We know it's rewarding, but if we are being honest, it's hard. And sometimes it's really hard. When you live a life where your livelihood depends on your care and your time, it means the days don't start at 8 and they certainly don't end at 5. But that is the reality of being a farmer and it can be lonely. It's never easy to be a farmer, but being married to a farmer or being two farmers who are married to one another can be a challenge, to say the least. But you aren't alone. When you marry a farmer, your expectations have to be realistic about what life is like on the farm. Some farm girls gave great advice on what it's like and how to handle it!

You learn to adapt. Yes, you may be attending events just you and the kids, there will be late nights, early mornings, meals delivered to the field, etc. You wish your husband had a nine-to-five job, but then you remember the perks husband has that they don't, so you realize you're pretty lucky. Your kids grow up in the country, what can be better!!

When I miss my husband, I go out and farm with him. It isn't romantic, but you can make it a family thing. Just spending time together can make a big difference. It also helps as your kids get older, if you have them, because they can help out, too!

Yes it can be tough, but just remember it's not just farmers who work long hours. Plenty of husbands and dads work all week with long hours! We are lucky we can work at home!

Being married to a farmer never gets easier. But it does help you to increase your patience and makes you appreciate hard work.

Remember why you fell in love in the first place. Know that he wants to be spending time with you as much as you want to be spending time with him, but sometimes it's not possible. The work you both do takes care of your family.

Being a farmer married to a farmer is all about perspective. You have to accept your reality and make the most of it. Date nights might be in a tractor or on only a rainy day, but you take it. Because this is the life you love.

We made it a point to take Sundays off no matter what needed to be done on the farm. Sometimes that means a long night another time, but it keeps us sane.

Each day comes with positives and negatives. Try and support your husband and keep communicating. Sometimes all you need to do is share your feelings and LISTEN!!

Sometimes it sucks and sometimes you just have to look forward to winter. Take a minute when you can to reconnect - take a ride together or have a quick lunch. Showing you care can go a long way.

Get thick skin. Being a farmer can be tough on your feelings when the days are long and you don't have much sleep and you aren't feeling loved. But this too shall pass. It's worth it to be a part of this life. Remember that good times on the farm outweigh the bad!

Have a support system. If you have family, friends, church or a community around you that you can lean on, it will make all the difference in the world.

Enjoy the rain and the winter while you can. Bad weather is not fun, but it usually means a bit of a break.

You have to learn to appreciate the small moments together!

It does get easier. You get used to scheduling around farming. And farming always comes first. Once you embrace that, your expectations will be more realistic. Learn to not get disappointed when plans change and go with the flow.

It takes a strong-willed person that farms and ranches. It doesn't matter if you are young and starting or older and established.

You adapt! This time of year the days are long, and the tempers short. Thing is, of course plans come second to the farm, four-legged babies have to be fed, cows have to be milked, crops have to be planted, etc. The farm is your livelihood. I wouldn't trade my farmer or my farm life for anything!

It's definitely hard. My husband and I are going on 13 years now, and I still have what I've heard referred to as "farmer's wife transition" every year. Embrace the farm life; allow your husband the time and freedom to do what HAS to be done. Nobody has an easy life, but the benefits are worth it.

Count each blessing, instead of focusing on the negative, start each day with a recount of all the moments that you saw your children smile! Take lots of pictures so your husband can catch up! We have five children, and we are looking forward to the day when they can really help out! Lastly, take time to pray!

Find the things to fill the gaps when he is busy - whether that is kids, gardening, helping him out, catching up on laundry, your other family, reading, knitting, etc. And, savor the time you spend together!

I had to learn that getting upset only hurts me and our family. I learned that communication is the key! It is okay to be annoyed or upset, but don't hang onto it. Admit it, move on.

Work together!!!! It gets him home quicker.

The frustration and loneliness can get a little overwhelming. Just remember, it's just as hard for him to be away from you, too.

I find that making my place in his work is so helpful. Don't look at it as me vs. farming, but us as a team. Also during planting and harvest I've learned to utilize that time with me-time, girlfriends I need to make time for, and family I don't see enough.

Know that your spouse is never choosing the farm over you, but choosing the farm for you and for your family.

It's all about perspective. I always say I'd rather live in his world then without him in mine!

related topics: farm gal, for mom, farming, agriculture

Share This

You may also like:

Hi there. Jolene Brown here. You can tell by the setting and the sounds that the seasons on the Brown farm have certainly changed. And that means the marathon of harvest has just begun.


Our families, our health, our communities, this crazy harvest we just are trying to complete...Be careful that you do not get compassion fatigue. Find out more with Jolene Brown.  


See our Gift Guide HERE.

Check out all the perfect gifts for your Pink Tractor ladies...even if that's you! 

Shop Now!


Jolene Brown dives deep into three gaps you can mind around the holidays with your family members, to allow this season to move along smoothly.


It is the spirit of Christmas that drives the Neubauers, even in the long, hot, sweaty summers when there is much work to be done. 


Believe it or not, the holiday season can be a time when people report their highest stress. Read this article on tips to manage holiday stress.


When folks who don't ranch or who aren't involved in ag see a cow, they don't "really" see her.


It’s the time when eager students get a feel for life on campus as they begin the college selection process.


The Christmas season always brings in a new year. We are reminded in this blog the clock keeps ticking and we become reflective.


Machinery breakdowns can be extremely expensive to fix - costing time and money. Pink Tractor provides a list of tips to help with future breakdowns.